Parents Now Incapable of Teaching Kids Basic Human Interaction

Kids these days: are they monsters who grew up on Mars and you shouldn’t even bother trying to communicate with them, because they’re monsters from Mars? As their parent, you know the answer to this is “Yes sir.” That’s why you are “outsourcing” the teaching of basic social skills to your own children. Who has the time?

The WSJ has the scoop on the latest parenting trend among horrible wealthy post-yuppies who have no time to interact with their own spawn: placing their computer-zombified kids into expensive classes where a paid professional—like Faye Rogaski of, ugh, Jesus Christ, “Socialsklz:-),” for fuck’s sake—will teach them how to behave like moderately passable humans.

Ms. Rogaski now offers classes that range from $150 for a one-day workshop to $540 for a 12-week after-school program, with sections for children as young as 4. The classes cover skills as varied as how to host play dates, talk on the phone and hold a conversation.

Why teach anything to your own children when you could simply pay “Socialsklz:-)” hundreds of dollars to remedially instruct them how not to be totally social inept? At least until Siri learns how to teach this stuff.

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